Save Money and Time by Being a Jerk

When you are on the phone with technical support, the moment you loudly and rudely assert that something cannot possibly be the problem because you checked it several times and have been working with it for years without issue and have done nothing differently today when the moronic company's worthless product stopped working and insist that the fellow on the other end of the phone must have his cranium lodged, impossibly, in his rect....

Ahem...

When you are on the phone with technical support, the moment you loudly and rudely assert that something cannot be the problem, you have virtually guaranteed the problem will turn out to be exactly what you said it cannot be. This is true even if you checked it three times and really do know what you are doing. This isn't news to anyone, I know. We know that nature abohors a jerk and will take every opportunity to embarass one.

But there is a way to make this work for you if you don't mind being a jerk anyway. And lets face it, after you have spent more than fifteen minutes on the phone with tech support, you're probably feeling pretty jerkish. So, whenever you call tech support, always become rude right away and insist, loudly and obnoxiously, that the problem cannot be something that is cheap and extremely easy to fix. For a computer, I suggest screaming at the person for even suggesting the computer is not plugged in, or perhaps that the problem cannot possibly be the "Hello, Kitty" stickers you have decorated the casing with.

For the same reason, when dealing a mechanic, never under circumstances say: "it can't possibly the transmission, it doesn't feel like the transmission, you moron" or "cracked engine block? I'll crack your engine block." Be warned, your better mechanics will actually try and bait you into doing exactly this.